There are times when life seems to punch you in the gut, over and over and over again. We all have those moments so I will not lament the fact that I’m getting punched in the gut right now. I will stand up and face it … it’s the only way I know how to do life.

But regardless of the tumult, there are a few things that I am certain of …

1) Thoughts of a birth mother search might be daunting, frankly, ours scares the hell out of me – for my son, for myself, for my family, and for my adoptive community, but in due time, we will all make a decision that is right for us at that moment.

2) There are no clear answers. What works for some people does not work for others – but talking about it makes all the difference in the world. And I am grateful for this discussion!

3) It takes a village and this community is often my saving grace! I have received the kindest and most generous words, thoughts and stories – all of which have been the greatest gift of virtual and real life hugs when I needed them most! I will never be able to thank you enough.

4) There was a wildfire in Sunshine Canyon on Sunday. Sunshine Canyon is the closest canyon just to the north of where houses begin to line the city streets of Boulder, CO. It is my favorite hiking area – it is our city’s playground.

My house was 14 blocks away from the evacuation zone. It wasn’t ever really in danger, I felt pretty certain, but I couldn’t keep from being fearful. When I thought of what I would pack, the first two things that entered my mind, beyond my children and pets, were the two pictures I have in my office of the day I first laid eyes on my two beautiful children. I took them off the wall and set them near my closet door so I wouldn’t forget them – just in case.

Doing that reminded me of one of my favorite quotes:

For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, it’s insides come out and everything changes. To someone who doesn’t understand growth, it would look like complete destruction. — Cynthia Occelli

5) I have taken the most delicate and beautiful seeds from China and Guatemala and planted them here in the United States of America. They are the most difficult seeds to tend because they need constant care – more than what I could have ever imagined. I will tend them regardless — with all my heart, soul and every ounce of energy left inside me. They are the most beautiful seeds in the world and my greatest gift.

6) I woke up this morning to take a walk and it was the most glorious sunrise I have seen in ages. It reminded me once again that everything will be ok – and I believe that with all that I am.

Thank you all for participating in this discussion. It is not over but I have to put it away for a bit. I look forward to picking up where we left off soon.

With all my heart,

Bambi
Bambi Wineland is the mother of two internationally adopted children, a traveler, the Founder and CEO of Motherland Travel. Motherland Travel designs Heritage Journeys for families with internationally adopted children. The emphasis of these Heritage Journeys is on family bonding, building self-esteem and cultivating pride in a family’s multi-cultural heritage. Read more about her here >> http://motherlandtravel.com/